RaShawn Renée, author of 44 Hours & 21 Minutes, is a global leader for change and the creator of Real Truth International. It’s an organization that honors, celebrates and educates women to eradicate the dominant thinking and social norms that have marginalized and kept women silent for so long.
Because this episode is really for women, my cohost, Rae Williams, stepped in to interview RaShawn.
They’re going to talk about the important questions like why am I not fulfilled? Why do I allow myself to be marginalized and kept silent? Why do I stay in relationships that demean me? Why don’t I know and regard my own value?
If you’re a woman who has wondered about those questions, who has thought them, this is definitely the episode for you. By the end of the conversation, you’ll know how to stand taller, how to feel more confident with every choice that you make and how to step down the path to knowing your real truth and power as you begin to see and understand your value.
RaShawn Renée: My awakening was over a period of time, and once I looked at my life and looked at the state of womanhood and looked at the state of society, I recognize that there was really a need for a love letter to myself and a love letter to humanity. The way that that love letter came through is in the form of 44 Hours & 21 Minutes.
I had to really look inside of myself to see how and why I was making the choices that I was making in my life, where on the outside of life, sometimes it looked really good. Sometimes it look not so good.
“I woke up one day recognizing I was just living habituated life.”
I didn’t have a feeling, I wasn’t rooted in my peace or in my power or in my truth. I was a byproduct of my conditioning from society, from family, from expectations of both those factors, and more and I recognized that as I looked at myself.
I saw that as part of the landscape of what was happening to women and had happened to women and has been occurring for decades upon decades.
I start doing research and reading more and then going back to school, and then came 44 Hours & 21 Minutes: A Woman’s Truth and Power.
Every Woman Can Relate
Rae Williams: How do you think that people, particularly women could identify with you on this journey or in those feelings and especially through some of the experiences that you talk about in the book?
RaShawn Renée: I’ll share a story. I was in a relationship that looked so perfect on the outside, and for a while, in the inside, it felt perfect. As I was in that relationship, all of my friends liked him, my family liked him, and definitely I thought he was the one for me.
Things happened in that relationship, and we ended the relationship. I was so wanting to hold on to that relationship that I continued, even though I knew it wasn’t good for me, I continued after we broke up.
We tried to get back together and when that didn’t happen.
“I found myself, unknowingly at the time, having lost some of me.”
On some level, thinking there was something wrong with me that that relationship didn’t work out.
I moved into another relationship where I was willing to let go of even more of myself for the point of relationship. As I have pulled women of every nationality, every socio-economic group and a gamut range of ages, what each woman shares with me is that we’ve allowed ourselves to give yourself away or to diminish ourselves for relationship, for family or for any of those things that were told that we should hold above our own esteem or above our own self-honor.
That’s how every woman that reads the book will identify with it.
Rae Williams: This book has a lot of prompts and a lot of food for thought as you’re sharing your journey. If you had to choose just one of those ideas or one principle or prompt, that listeners will remember and can take action on this week, what would that be?
RaShawn Renée: You’re the prize would be what I would want them to take away this week. You’re the prize.
And the action would be self-honoring choices, so whomever is listening right now can make the choice right now—the next choice point is how I refer to it in 44 Hours & 21 Minutes. That comes to you, that you make a choice that is moving you up in your life inside of yourself and how you see yourself and how you are choosing to be for yourself.
Yesterday, I was with a woman and her husband said something to her that didn’t please her. As she was getting ready to respond, she was in my company, she looked across from me, she put the phone on mute, and she goes, this is a choice point.
She took it off mute and then she said to her husband, “Honey, whatever you have to do, it’s okay. Take care of it, and I’ll talk to you when I get back home.”
She gets off the line with him and she goes, “I’m so happy that I remembered that that was a choice point, because previously, I would have had an argument with him, told him how he was wrong. Tonight when I got home, there would have been contention between us. By me saying that now, he’s got to take care of what he needs to take care of. I don’t have to be irritated by it, and we’ll have a good evening tonight.”
Actually, this morning, I received a text from her, thanking me for writing the book and teaching her about choice points.
Choice points are those moments in our life where we can choose to be how we have been or we can choose to make a choice that’s going to move us into our higher self, our elevated self, our unconditioned self.
Why 44 Hours & 21 Minutes?
Rae Williams: I would love for you to explain why that title came about, why you decided to use that?
RaShawn Renée: Over the course of 44 Hours & 21 Minutes, my life completely changed. I went from a perspective of believing to knowing. There is this dynamic power that lives within each one of us, and when we tap into that and set our mind to who we are going to be and how we are going to be, then everything—and I do mean everything will support us to that vision, to that life.
I was made aware of that where I know it with every fiber of my being in the course of 44 Hours & 21 Minutes.
I won’t tell the story of what happened in those 44 Hours & 21 Minutes, because you have to read the book.
Rae Williams: Why does this matter for the listener and for all of the women out there? What happens if we don’t do anything with this information?
RaShawn Renée: My gosh, we’re going to continue to live inside of ourselves where we’re not sure if we matter. We aren’t sure of our intrinsic value. We’ll continue to live where we need these exterior things to tell us who we are. We’ll be what I used to be, which was part of—I referenced myself as the living dead.
Going through life, having highs, lows and in between. But never connecting to my real truth in power.
If we don’t look into ourselves, examine our conditioning, excavate what no longer serves us and release our systemic and familiar conditioning, then we’ll just continue to be who we are. There’s so much more in all of us.
I just welcome the opportunity for every woman on the planet, and actually, every person on the planet to just get this sweetness of life that is.
Learning through Travels
Rae Williams: Tell us about the people who have gotten the most out of your ideas and stories, some of your travels, some of the impact that you’ve had there, how it relates to this book.
RaShawn Renée: Wow, it takes my breath away what I see happening. I’ll tell two stories, one story is while I was at Ecuador speaking at the university of Kitol. A gentleman was in the audience, and he is a movie maker. I’m giving statistics and talking about the statistics of domestic abuse in Ecuador, and then I give the statistics globally.
Then I talk about women that allow themselves to be taught too harshly by their partners and what a test of the psyche of women.
At the end of the talk, we did a Q&A, and this very handsome, tall, strong man comes up to the mic and starts crying before he can talk.
He’s ridden with shame, and he informs us of the way that he talks to the woman that he’s in relationship with. Then he moves on in communication to talk about how in the dynamic of his family—not him, however, but in the dynamic of his family.
He’s aware that his brother thinks the part of the way to control his wife is to put his hands on her, however he deems necessary, whenever he deems it necessary to control her. He had never spoken about that to anyone, and there he was in a room with a group of strangers, giving that confessional so he can set himself free. After he did that, he and I had counsel together, and he agreed to speak to his brother to do what he could to help his brother change his way of being.
That was just extraordinary for me to witness in real time, from one talk, what it did. Now to find out, months later, how that has really enhanced and changed the dynamic of his family in terms of the way that they all communicate with each other, not holding family secrets, and that his brother is learning a new way to live without putting his hands on his wife.
He’s learning a new way of communication without demeaning and speaking to his partner in the way he had in the past. Extraordinary, from one communication.
We all want a better life, and when someone highlights that secret that we’re keeping, it gives you permission to speak into it and then change.
“He courageously changed and changed his family.”
The other story I always tell is, just a few days ago, I’m back from Liberia. That journey opened my heart in a way that communicated to me that what I’m talking about speaking to all over the world is really a communication for women to see who they truly are.
As we were checking in at the airport, this splendid woman ran up to a group of us to tell us that she was at our Inspire talk. We had done a talk a few days before called Inspire, and she talked about how her life has changed just from that talk and how she came back to work the following day and apologized to the people that work under her for how she had been with them.
She realized how much she was holding on to that she didn’t need to and how it was making her respond to every area in her life in a way that wasn’t bringing her joy or being inclusive of the people around her. That came from one talk, one day. Those are just a couple of the stories.
Rae Williams: How that would talk us through changing as women or identifying a problem within ourselves?
RaShawn Renée: I were to ask you who seated you in your primary years, one to seven? If I were to say, who was that? Who taught you how to let’s say be in relationship, who taught you that? Right? I’ll use me as an example.
So when I ask myself that question, I said, “Well if I am going to talk in terms of romantic relationship, those that I learned from would be my biological father, my bonus father, and my grandfather.”
Each one of those men treated me some days like I was the princess and other days I was completely invisible. So I ask that question in the book, and I then ask, “Well in being the princess one day and being invisible the next and everything in between, what did that teach me about relationships?”
It taught me that it could be haphazardly treated. Now of course I didn’t understand that growing up. I didn’t understand that when I would move into dating relationships as a woman that I would accept haphazard treatment because that’s what I was taught.
“That was my conditioning.”
So I would have never known that had I not asked myself that question. And then once I asked myself the question, once I got the answer, then I was able to change that dynamic. I did an even deeper inquiry.
If I am allowing myself to be treated haphazardly in relationships, how am I treating myself? I recognize I do treat myself haphazardly. So sometimes I spoke kindly to myself, sometimes I make self-honoring choices, other times I didn’t, because that was what I was taught.
But no one ever tells us, until 44 Hours & 21 Minutes, that we get to learn how we were treated, what deposits were made in us as we were growing up that has helped us become the people that we are. If we aren’t exactly who we wanted to be, we have the ability to change that.
I am just so grateful that I’ve lived the life that I have lived and that I get to share this beautiful learning all around the world, because I have an intention.
The first intention is that this beautiful book, I call her our baby, touches 111 million women’s lives first. That’s the first goal, and that’s just a little more than 2% of the female population. Then she will grow exponentially, and we will touch billions of women’s lives so that every women can stand in their real truth and power. When doing so, that supports every man on the planet. So I am just looking forward to that 111 million first, and then watching the change in the world with the billions. I am so looking forward to this.
Everyone Can Grow
Rae Williams: How is it that you want women who are reading the book or relating to the book to share that message with the men as in just in how they are changing themselves and acting to them or is there something else that you would prompt women to do to make sure that men are also getting the message?
RaShawn Renée: Well definitely I think when they start reading the book that they share with the men in their life that they’re reading a book that is helping them identify their real truth and power. Give the person in their life the opportunity to see how they are shifting.
What I am so aware of is that as a woman stands more in her truth and power, every man that is in her orbit becomes more powerful and stands more in his truth.
It is a beautiful thing to witness. I’ll share a story about a couple that I was coaching, and they just continued to have these fights that weren’t based upon anything except that their ego was getting in the way all the time and underneath that, the way that she was conditioned growing up and the way that he was conditioned growing up.
So she read the book, and after she read the book, she recognized that so many of the things that she had been holding him accountable for in terms of her happiness not only where they not his responsibility but it was an impossible something to ask him to do, because she wasn’t deeply happy within herself. Now she is, and now he says his business is more successful than ever because all of these distractions that they would have with their back and forth bickering is no longer there, in addition to their romantic part of their relationship has changed completely.
He said that he used to feel as if their sex life was an obligation, and now, he feels like—well, I can’t say what he said what it feels like but he’s very pleased and so is she.
“It is a beautiful dynamic. As a women steps in her power, it enhances her man to do the same.”
Rae Williams: Do you think that a lot of the issues that you address in this book and with women are issues that are hindering our politics, hindering the way that our country is working just internationally as well?
RaShawn Renée: 100% I mean 100%. I didn’t want to have this conversation, but it’s all I see. When I am reading the news, I am saying to so many of the women that are in politics right now, please remove yourself from the veil and stand in your real truth and power.
At first it used to anger me, and now, I get it. I get that it is their conditioning, and we as a collective have to support each other to really get to our truth and power so that we can change.
Not only the political landscape, but we have to change the global landscape. It is paramount right now. We don’t have another moment to waste.
Writing to Women
Rae Williams: Can you talk a little bit about your writing journey?
RaShawn Renée: Yeah, it took me a long time to move into the courage to be truthful with myself wholly and then to be committed enough to share at such a deep level stories that were just my stories that I would have kept silent and within me and maybe within the dynamic of my family. At a certain point, I recognized as I shared at the beginning of this interview that the silence and me being hidden wasn’t just about me.
It is a collective.
There is a CEO that I interviewed, and I am listening to her story, and she’s telling me the things that she could never say to her husband or to any of her colleagues because it would demean the position that she had.
What she was communicating is that she has to hide most of who she is because she thinks she won’t be accepted otherwise, which means playing small, which means dumbing down yourself, which means being in relationship with men because they have certain influence and affluence.
“I had lived in that paradigm before.”
So difficult for me to say to myself, be truthful with myself. Once I did it, then it was even more difficult to have the courage to share it with the world. As my beautiful husband often reminds me, courage is having fear and still moving forward in what you know you have to do.
So that’s a bit of my journey, being fearful and choosing courage.
Rae Williams: What advice do you have for them in terms of a platform or in terms of how to find that courage?
RaShawn Renée: Well we’re going to be doing a couple of things. So we’re having a book launch, and right after the book launch, we are having a call to action.
The call to action is the Real Truth Empowerment Movement, and in that Real Truth Empower Movement, we are going to support women through social media. We are going to do an inner circle, so they would go to my website, join, and we are going to start doing work together to help women excavate and examine their family and societal conditioning, release what doesn’t serve them, and move into their real truth and power.
So this is, I say often, 44 Hours & 21 Minutes. It’s a book, it’s a way of being, it’s a movement, and it’s your life.
Connect with Rashawn Renée
Rae Williams: I’d like you to give our readers a challenge. So what is one thing they can do from your book to absolutely change their life?
RaShawn Renée: I challenge them to look at themselves in the mirror and declare in their power position, hands on hips power position, legs slightly spread over, looking in the mirror, say to themselves, “I am learning my truth, and I am living my power.” Say it three times powerfully.
That is such a simple challenge, but when you say it and when you say it loudly, there’s a vibrational energy that will go through your body that will inform you that there is so much more you to connect to.
It brings up this spring of joy, enthusiasm, love, support, kindness—it’s a stew of that. All in saying those words in the mirror in the power position, it start shifting things. That is an easy challenge to do.
Rae Williams: Is there anything else about you or about this book that listeners, readers need to know?
RaShawn Renée: You know what I’d like to do? I’d like to read the love letter that is in the front of the book. May I do that? And then I will tell them how they can connect to me. So it says:
“Love note from RaShawn Renée:
Happy love day. Hello dear precious and cherished woman. Today is the day that you, me, and each person who has read 44 Hours & 21 Minutes: A Woman’s Truth and Power bonds through love. Meaning, when another person reads and applies their learning, there is more love revealed in the world.
Thank you for contributing. The communication in this book through stories and inquiries are my learning and discoveries.
The intention is to assist you in living the life filled with more love through real truth and power. Being a woman is magnificent, challenging, and an honor. With this female gender we’ve been given or chosen comes a power that many of us aren’t aware of or rarely think about.
Consider this: We perpetuate society, and without us, human kind would perish. We are resilient and capable. We intrinsically know how to lead and govern. As you read this book, please know that you are unique, remarkable, and definitely the prize.
Only Love, R.R.”
I’d like to leave the audience with just remembering who they are.
They can reach me on Facebook at RaShawn Renée. They can come to our website, realtruthintl.com. I look forward to connecting with them.